Why Drowsy but Awake Isn’t Working, and What To Do Instead
Parents of every baby have heard of, and likely practiced, the advice to put your baby down for sleep “drowsy but awake”. This advice means that when it is time for sleep, you rock or feed your baby until they are very drowsy and on the verge of falling asleep. You then place them in their crib and they finish falling asleep there. You may be doing this and your baby is still struggling with independent sleep, and you are wondering, “WHY??”
In this post, I help you understand:
When using the “drowsy but awake” strategy is appropriate
Why putting your baby down “drowsy but awake” can fail
What to do instead of putting your baby down “drowsy but awake” to improve independent sleep
When Is it Appropriate to Use the “Drowsy but Awake” Strategy?
Putting your baby down in his crib “drowsy but awake” is useful in two scenarios:
Your baby is in the newborn stage (0-3 months) and they have not undergone the 4 Month Sleep Regression. Once your baby’s sleep cycles change during this regression, “drowsy but awake” is no longer good enough. This is because your baby is now waking more fully between sleep cycles, and when this happens, they are not drowsy, and they will need your help to return to the drowsy state.
You are using “drowsy but awake” as a temporary scaffold to get your baby used to falling asleep in their crib instead of in your arms. If your baby is used to falling asleep in your arms, putting them in the crib drowsy but awake can be useful. It is a way to slowly introduce them to the sensation of falling asleep while laying down in their own sleep space. For babies over 3-4 months of age, it is a temporary transitional tool to introducing independent sleep.
Why Isn’t “Drowsy but Awake” Working for Us?
Beyond the two examples I have given above, putting your baby down drowsy but awake is possible preventing your baby from truly learning independent sleep. If you are helping soothe your baby all the way to a drowsy state at bedtime, then they have very little work to do to actually fall asleep on their own. Furthermore, when they wake in the middle of the night between sleep cycles (past 3-4 months of age), your baby may experience a partially to fully awake state (NOT drowsy!) and have no idea what to do with this, because they have not experienced falling asleep from fully awake at bedtime.
What Should We Do Instead?
Now that you know that putting your baby down “drowsy but awake” at bedtime could be hindering your baby’s abilities to sleep independently, you will want to create a bedtime routine that allows your baby to go into his or her crib fully awake at bedtime. Instead of “drowsy but awake”, I want you to shoot for “calm but fully awake”. I know what you’re thinking—”But my baby can’t fall asleep like that! She will cry! She will toss and turn forever!” I assure you, she CAN do it. Yes, it will take a little while longer. She will roll around, she will fuss, and she may even cry. She will also find a comfortable position, find her hands, stroke her sheet or sleep sack, and learn to slow her breath and still her body in her own bed as the drowsy feeling begins to overcome her.
Now for the good stuff—here is the bedtime routine that I suggest for making sure that you’re baby is "calm but fully awake” when he goes into his crib.
Note that the bedtime feeding should be done in a different room—not in your baby’s sleep space. This will ensure that he doesn’t get too drowsy during the feed! You can give him a toy to play with, make silly faces, or stroke his feet if he starts to see sleepy to ensure a full feed.
“Family Time” is just quiet play time before bedtime. I suggest about 10-15 minutes. This gives your baby time to digest their bedtime meal fully (eating immediately before bed can actually cause digestive sleep disruptions in some babies), and also to give plenty of separation between feeding and sleep. During Family Time, you can play with toys, walk around the house, sing some fun songs, listen to music, or read books on the couch. The lighting should be dim and the vibe should be calm.
You’ll then take your baby to his sleep space for the rest of the bedtime routine. The environment should be soothing and dimly lit. You can rock your baby, you can snuggle, but make sure you’re not doing these things to the point of your baby starting to fall asleep or reach a state of drowsiness! You want your baby wide awake, but very calm, when going into his crib.
If “Calm but Awake” is Leading to Excessive Tears
Implement a sleep training method to help your little one learn that it is okay for them to fall asleep on their own in their bed, and that you are still nearby and haven’t left. There are some sleep training methods outlined briefly in this blog post.
If you need further support implementing “Calm but Awake” at bedtime, or implementing a sleep training method, my “Two Weeks to Sleep” Package offers the individualized support and one-on-one coaching to help you reach your sleep goals! Or, consider visiting my website for more information.
